Dear Person Who Works Here Than Makes More Money Than I Do,

Oh my God.. How did you know I loved doing your job for you? Yes, I love it! Please give me more of your bullshit to do! This work on my desk means nothing! I love making half of what you make but doing your work.

-Sarcastic

p.s. learn to SPEAK English!! 

Dear Double Sick Tape,
Thank you for making excellent boob tape, I had not realized that this dress was cut so low until i looked down and noticed those things that i pretend are boobs. I really appreciate you saving my ass like that... or boobs...

<3 Maybe i should look in the mirror in the morning.

Dear Woman In the Bathroom on the Phone,
Hi...umm.. what the fuck? Ok, you walked into the bathroom not on the phone... then all of a sudden you began a conversation with someone in some middle eastern language! Now I never heard a phone ring or vibrate so I am going to assume that you called them? With that said, did you just decide "hey, im gonna be here for a while, I better call up Shiek Al-Gizerre and see how his momma is doing.." ? You are stupid.
-I made sure to flush several times in hopes that your toilet -phone buddy would call you out

p.s. 16% of cell phones have poo on them: http://mashable.com/2011/11/09/tech-germs/

Dear Comic Con Hall H Ushers, Why do you always put fat people in the empty seats next to me? Is this karma? And of it is.. Jokes on you... I'm a bitch ;) -I you can't fit in a standard chair you need to reevaluate your life.

Dear Dumb Fucking 2/5 Cunt,
OPSEC!!! LEARN IT. Seriously? Shut your fucking mouth. What part of we want our guys home NOW do you not comprehend? Go shoot yourself in the face you worthless piece of shit. You miserable human being. I wish your relationship with your Marine nothing but the worst. Fuck you.
- I am so over the majority of these loud mouth whores

p.s. I hate you... go fuck yourself.

Dear Asian Woman Who Cooks Muscles in the Microwave in the Office Kitchen,
REALLY!!!!!!! ANY AND ALL SEAFOOD IS NOT TO BE COOKED IN THE MICROWAVE AT WORK!! WHAT THE FUCK!!! Now the whole room smells like your vagina!!!
-I dislike.. ok Hate you

p.s. i think 3 "hello's" are enough.. after that hang up the fucking phone.

Dear Pistachios With Un-Openable Shells,
What the fuck.
-I Just Want To Eat You