Dear Woman Who Works Here,

1) You are not a stripper
2) You do not work for the Devil (who) Wears Prada

Leave your 4 inch heels at home.

- You look like a dirty/stripper pirate hooker TRYING to walk around this office.

Dear old ships on Harbor Drive,

You are not pirates. Stop shooting off cannons. Some of us are trying to work and cannons rattling the walls is quite distracting. Also, i am not sure if you are aware of this... YOU ARE RIGHT NEXT TO MCRD, NORTH ISLAND AND OTHER BASES! Some of these (wo)MEN have PTSD and you are acting like a bag full of assholes shooting off cannons at random!

- CUT THE CRAP LIKE NOW!

Dear Co-worker,
You are at work, PUT YOUR FUCKING PHONE ON SILENT! NO ONE WANTS TO HEAR YOUR STUPIDFUCKINGRINGTONE!!

- You are on my list

Dear Fat Lady,

J-walking is against the law. All I see when a fatty is J-walking through a cross walk at an intersection (that i have a green light at) is 5 points. So maybe waddle faster next time... seeing people move at a glacial pace is like seeing a "hit me" sign posted on their big, fat ass.

-I do not like J-walking fatties who make my brake at green lights so they can continue their law breaking.

Dear Asians in the Kitchen ,

Thank you so much for reheating your spam and salmon (or other varieties of fish)  in the office kitchen microwave every day. I personally love the smell of disgusting reheated fish. On top of that I thoroughly enjoy the sound of you slurping your noodles….this just makes my whole  FUCKING day.  What really just makes this whole situation so fun is the banshee like talking you all do. No really.. talk over one another it really gets the point across.  

Lets recap..  Smelly food, Slurping and Banshee talk… yeah you all really are my favorite..

-I love Asians

p.s. I also love red lights, world hunger, dead batteries and feet. -_- 

Dear Person Who Thinks They Are Too Cool For School Because They Speak French All Day,

This is AMERICA... take that sissy shit some where else. Unless I can be allowed to scream "Nique Ta Mère"  (fuck your mother) at you all day everyday..then sissy talk away. 

- Retreat Hell

Dear Bacon,

I love you.

- In my mouth

Dear Stairs,

I hate you.

- Nobody Saw That

p.s. I didn't spill my coffee.

Dear Under Paid, Under Appreciated Secretary,

You don't need to take your misfortunes out on me. Maybe if someone would have gone to school they wouldn't be a life long secretary (aka bitch). Please go get laid so that you can stop being a sanctimonious bitch.
Thank you,

-I just wanted to put some shit back from where i got it like a good employee.


p.s. Go. Fuck. Yourself.

Dear China,
I really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really dislike you with a passion.

-America Fuck Yeah

 p.s. Suck It!

Dear Person Who Works Here Than Makes More Money Than I Do,

Oh my God.. How did you know I loved doing your job for you? Yes, I love it! Please give me more of your bullshit to do! This work on my desk means nothing! I love making half of what you make but doing your work.

-Sarcastic

p.s. learn to SPEAK English!! 

Dear Double Sick Tape,
Thank you for making excellent boob tape, I had not realized that this dress was cut so low until i looked down and noticed those things that i pretend are boobs. I really appreciate you saving my ass like that... or boobs...

<3 Maybe i should look in the mirror in the morning.

Dear Woman In the Bathroom on the Phone,
Hi...umm.. what the fuck? Ok, you walked into the bathroom not on the phone... then all of a sudden you began a conversation with someone in some middle eastern language! Now I never heard a phone ring or vibrate so I am going to assume that you called them? With that said, did you just decide "hey, im gonna be here for a while, I better call up Shiek Al-Gizerre and see how his momma is doing.." ? You are stupid.
-I made sure to flush several times in hopes that your toilet -phone buddy would call you out

p.s. 16% of cell phones have poo on them: http://mashable.com/2011/11/09/tech-germs/

Dear Comic Con Hall H Ushers, Why do you always put fat people in the empty seats next to me? Is this karma? And of it is.. Jokes on you... I'm a bitch ;) -I you can't fit in a standard chair you need to reevaluate your life.

Dear Dumb Fucking 2/5 Cunt,
OPSEC!!! LEARN IT. Seriously? Shut your fucking mouth. What part of we want our guys home NOW do you not comprehend? Go shoot yourself in the face you worthless piece of shit. You miserable human being. I wish your relationship with your Marine nothing but the worst. Fuck you.
- I am so over the majority of these loud mouth whores

p.s. I hate you... go fuck yourself.

Dear Asian Woman Who Cooks Muscles in the Microwave in the Office Kitchen,
REALLY!!!!!!! ANY AND ALL SEAFOOD IS NOT TO BE COOKED IN THE MICROWAVE AT WORK!! WHAT THE FUCK!!! Now the whole room smells like your vagina!!!
-I dislike.. ok Hate you

p.s. i think 3 "hello's" are enough.. after that hang up the fucking phone.

Dear Pistachios With Un-Openable Shells,
What the fuck.
-I Just Want To Eat You