Dear Woman Who Works Here,

1) You are not a stripper
2) You do not work for the Devil (who) Wears Prada

Leave your 4 inch heels at home.

- You look like a dirty/stripper pirate hooker TRYING to walk around this office.

Dear old ships on Harbor Drive,

You are not pirates. Stop shooting off cannons. Some of us are trying to work and cannons rattling the walls is quite distracting. Also, i am not sure if you are aware of this... YOU ARE RIGHT NEXT TO MCRD, NORTH ISLAND AND OTHER BASES! Some of these (wo)MEN have PTSD and you are acting like a bag full of assholes shooting off cannons at random!

- CUT THE CRAP LIKE NOW!

Dear Co-worker,
You are at work, PUT YOUR FUCKING PHONE ON SILENT! NO ONE WANTS TO HEAR YOUR STUPIDFUCKINGRINGTONE!!

- You are on my list

Dear Fat Lady,

J-walking is against the law. All I see when a fatty is J-walking through a cross walk at an intersection (that i have a green light at) is 5 points. So maybe waddle faster next time... seeing people move at a glacial pace is like seeing a "hit me" sign posted on their big, fat ass.

-I do not like J-walking fatties who make my brake at green lights so they can continue their law breaking.

Dear Asians in the Kitchen ,

Thank you so much for reheating your spam and salmon (or other varieties of fish)  in the office kitchen microwave every day. I personally love the smell of disgusting reheated fish. On top of that I thoroughly enjoy the sound of you slurping your noodles….this just makes my whole  FUCKING day.  What really just makes this whole situation so fun is the banshee like talking you all do. No really.. talk over one another it really gets the point across.  

Lets recap..  Smelly food, Slurping and Banshee talk… yeah you all really are my favorite..

-I love Asians

p.s. I also love red lights, world hunger, dead batteries and feet. -_- 

Dear Person Who Thinks They Are Too Cool For School Because They Speak French All Day,

This is AMERICA... take that sissy shit some where else. Unless I can be allowed to scream "Nique Ta Mère"  (fuck your mother) at you all day everyday..then sissy talk away. 

- Retreat Hell

Dear Bacon,

I love you.

- In my mouth